Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize