I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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