The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
