I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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