pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize