I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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