I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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