So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
