onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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