I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
