the condom got lost in my hair
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
