went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
