im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
