I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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