I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
