yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
