I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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