2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize