I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
