She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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