I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
