I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
