He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
