youre lurking in front of me
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
