If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
