dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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