Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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