It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
