You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
