so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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