you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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