ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
