some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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