A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm both gender and math confused
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize