I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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