you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
