i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
