god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
