i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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