Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize