I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
