I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Redeem this text for a blowjob
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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