I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he was CRYING into my vagina
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
