Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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