At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
