I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
