no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
