You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize