Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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