thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
