So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
cat food counts as protein by the way
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
