Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
