put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
