I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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