I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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