haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
