thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
