Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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