Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
