He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
