awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
