I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
