dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
